Introductions Are in Order

Salutations!

(I've always hoped to begin a piece of writing with that word. I blame Charlotte).

I've struggled on and off for the past year-and-a-half over the decision to take up blogging. I really enjoy reading blogs, you see, especially blogs whose authors detail their day-to-day existence and share about the things God is teaching them. With so many wise bloggers and fabulous blogs out there, though, I've worried that one written by me would be less than enjoyable for people to read, less than memorable, less wise, barely thought-provoking, rarely humorous.

So what's caused me to change my mind?

Well, God's been teaching me a few things this year. And by “teaching,” I mean I feel like my heart is a home that's been desperately in need of a remodel, and God's the All-in-One Handyman who's been knocking down walls, stripping paint and mildew and grime, tearing up the plumbing, opening up the floor-plan. My heart's been feeling naked and vulnerable, and more than once I've groaned and cried as my eyes have been opened anew to my need for a Savior. Though I am young, I've been walking with Jesus for many years now, but He's always doing a new work in me, continually reconstructing me to be more of the woman He's designed me to be and to ultimately look more like Him.

All this to say, one of the things He's revealed to me this year, as He's torn down my heart and begun to reconstruct it to more accurately reflect His, is that the worries I've felt about beginning a blog are actually not isolated to blogging. I worry all the time, friends, and that's really not an exaggeration. Much of this is because I'm a perfectionist. Sometimes, this translates into some of my greatest strengths: I'm a hard worker, I devote my best effort to every endeavor, and I'm driven. However, I am also terrified of failure. Those of you who have read the Harry Potter series can understand me as Hermione Granger; one of the reasons I enjoy that series so much is because I feel so understood when I read about Hermione.

(Note: I promise this will tie back to blogging eventually! I'm a woman of many words).

For those of you who haven't read Harry Potter, know that for most of my life I've striven for 100 percent perfection in every area of my life, often to my own physical and mental detriment. I've never expected perfection from others by any means, but I've sought perfect grades in school, exemplary work in my job, peace in all my relationships. Historically, my fear of failure has worked hand-in-hand with a concern for how others will perceive me. I've lived most of my life feeling everyday physically unattractive, mentally undesirable, totally unloveable.

But over the last three years, God's been revealing, one by one, each of these lies I've been listening to and, one by one, replacing them with His truth. This year has been filled with hardship and struggle, but beyond all that it's been overwhelmingly FULL of God's goodness and blessings. The construction in my heart that has left me feeling vulnerable has also left me feeling freer and more at peace than I can remember ever feeling. I praise God who makes broken things beautiful, and thank Jesus who sets me free indeed!

Until recently, I've felt unprepared and unequipped to share what I've been learning with you all, except with a few of you individually. However, I've been remembering lately that Jesus chose uneducated fishermen and socially despised tax collectors to be some of His closest friends and chosen messengers of the Gospel. He worked through them to further His Kingdom, and He can work through me, too. So that's why I've decided to blog. If I continue to be inhibited to speak what's on my heart because of the fear of failing and having people think less of me, then I am ultimately valuing the opinion of humans more than the opinion of God. That's idolatry, and I refuse to practice it anymore.

In the coming months, I'd like to share a little bit with you about what God's been teaching me about waiting, pride, ministry, preparation, priorities, relationships, fear, control, worry and letting go, fatigue and rest, peace, and His goodness in hard places. I also hope that this is a place in which I can take you along on some of my upcoming adventures because – I'm moving to Chicago!

Anyway. If you've read this far and understood any of my ramblings, then I admire your patience and mental tenacity, friend.

Hope to see you around and touch base again soon!

Love always,

Lindsey-Renee